Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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