I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
