you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
