I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
