those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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