I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
