um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
