I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
