I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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