I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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