And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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