i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
