Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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