I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
