...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
