so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
