he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
