thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
