I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
