Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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