her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
