After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
