The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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