I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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