his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
