Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
