those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
thus making me awesome and them whores
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
