I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
