I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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