their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
