and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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