I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
