You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
