i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
