I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
