Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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