something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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