erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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