I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
