I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
