so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
