Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Damn victory sex feels great
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
