D3 body, D1 cock
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
