idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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