I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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