I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
