I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
a search helicopter?!
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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