I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
