I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
