so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
