We got so high we made milksteak
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
40s are totally the cure
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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