I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
