I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
